an educator's rantings

a real reason to whine.

2008-07-10T16:14:00.002-04:00

http://adamfrey.us/

go look. no. really. I mean it. I have wondered what people think, feel, experience that leaves them as whiney pieces of shit. hell, I teach around 80-120 self centered, whiney, pieces of shit every year (and I love them). But it always leaves me feeling like my generation, and those who have come after, have no concept of having to struggle. My grandparents lived and grew up through a depression, a major war, struggling with little to no education. My parents had it a little less hard, they had the tail end of Vietnam, they had personal challenges, and my mom grew up in a house with 12 kids, 3 bedrooms, and 1 bathroom (oh, and no car either). I have not had to fight for what I have. It was given to me. I don't struggle to put food on the table. I am healthy. I have a good job. And I am still a whiney piece of shit.

And then I read that kid's blog (yes, he is a kid). Damn, some people know how to fight.

The power of secrecy

2008-05-02T17:22:00.002-04:00

Ok,
so while i blog, sporadically, I know that what I post here does not come tied to my name, to my home, to my classroom, or to my family. I bitch, I whine, I write out the problems I am working through. This is the magically power of anonymity. I don't think I would be half as candid if I were writing under my own name.

This post has a point, I swear. I recently discovered the blog of a student at my school...I don't teach him directly, but he is around and dates one of my kids. It is a riot. He is one of the most expressive and entertaining kids I have read the rantings of. The shame of it is that he is not writing in secret, and so he has been pushed (persuaded? forced? coerced?) into censoring himself due to the discomfort of others.

Seriously though? If you don't like it, surf away. no one is forcing you to read the ramblings of an 18yr old high school senior, or of this 27year old high school teacher for that matter. I hope that this kid finds a pseudonym to work through. Because he is worth reading, and provides a real look into a true "average" kid.

fighting the urge to run

2008-04-06T21:55:00.002-04:00

ok, I admit it...my name is Heather, and I am a commitment-phobic. I run from relationships after about a year with some excuse or another.

So, being single (as I currently am) the desire to run should be lower...but I have reached the second wave of weddings in my social group. And I have begun to spaz. four years ago, three of my friends "jumped ship" and added the left hand jewelry. this year, well...lets see...8 weddings (I have 5 left that I could go to) and 6 babies.

In the first wave of weddings, I twitched so much that I moved 350miles south. and I am fighting the urge right now to do the same thing again.

I hate watching people move on. I don't know if I am jealous, if I feel as though I am being left behind. I can't figure myself out. and I am sure this isn't the place that I should vent this out, but I don't know where else to do it.

we aren't even going to go into what I am living with right now. my roommate's boyfriend is being "put out" of his home (he pseudo mooches off of his older brother) and is now over at my place way more often than I know how to react to. the desire to blow my lid...well....

enough. I know it has been a while. but there is more than I know how to start saying.

worst day ever.

2007-08-26T22:10:00.000-04:00

in list form because i am just to overwhelmed for more

1. students come back to school tomorrow
2. i had to life guard today
3. i had to go to the store to get stuff for my classroom
4. my car wouldn't start.
5. it took me like 6 tries to get in touch with my roommate to try to figure out her helping me with rides, etc (esp since we worked together on the same shift today)
6. it was 95 dollars to have my car towed to the only place i trusted that was open on a sunday
7. the tow truck was 35min late
8. we were late to the pool
9. something was wrong with the pool pump/filter system that made the water ugly
10. people complained to me about the ugly water i had no control over
11. i had to keep calling the car place for details on my poor car
12. it was almost 380 dollars to get all that needed take care of done
13. when i went in to get the car (after they called to say it was done) it was not finished
14. i had to wait an extra hour for the car
15. they screwed up the bill for my repair work
16. the stores i went into after getting my car back were effing nuts
17. got on the high way to come home and it turns out that they did NOT fix my alignment
18. my roommate ended up with my house keys when she dropped me of to get my car
19. she wasn't home when i got back from the store
20. her boyfriend has the only spare key to our house
21. she was with her boyfriend...at walmart
22. neither of them have cell phones
23. i had to wait over an hour for them to get back so i could get into my house
24. he decided to make them dinner starting at 9pm (my bedtime on school nights)
25. my bedroom is over the kitchen and the sound travels
26. the house stinks like what they are having for dinner and it is making me want to vomit

so like i said, worst day ever.

new home and third wheeling.

2007-07-18T18:42:00.001-04:00

and after another inappropriate delay, I return to work out more mental issues.

first, a bit of news, I am slowly settling into a new home. It is a good change, a pretty place and a lot more homey than the old apartment. I am so sick of unpacking...I hated moving...I just wanted to to happen via magic. I know, it is all a fantasy, but I wanted it none the less.

now, in the new digs I have taken a roommate. she and I fit together very well. both very laid back and chill personalities. we read alot, and watch girlie tv shows. it bodes very well. and she is dating a good friend of mine, which makes me glad to see them both happy. he is around most of the time, and I am not quite sure how I feel about that just yet. but I do at least have my own room to go and hide in (so to speak).

The point of interest or potential argument is the tv in the living room. it is my tv. and I was insistent that my tv go in the living room...after a bout of insomnia, I removed that sort of stuff from my bedroom...to try to create a sanctuary. so now when I watch tv and he is here, I feel like I am intruding on their time together, or that he is being put out by my desire to voice an opinion on what is being watched (sorry, I am not a fan of watching someone else's man flip through the channels and turn the tv volume to overkill levels).

I really hate the whole 3rd wheel feeling. It is one of the reasons I moved here. So I just hope that it doesn't overwhelm the whole thing. and I don't want it to mean that I have to go get a man....no way. it isn't my way. it would be nice, but I would like to find love for better reasons.

ranting over.

unreal. unbelievable.

2007-06-25T16:00:00.000-04:00

I know I owe this a bigger post than what I am about to put here. but I am currently working, packing, and trying to find another part time job so it isn't going to happen. I am still adjusting to the news that a dear old friend of both my brother and I was tragically taken yesterday (sunday). he is a baby. and i just hope that someone can benefit from this loss (his parents have donated his organs). I know there is more. but I don't have it in me. prayers for the sweet one.

procrastination

2007-03-25T17:36:00.000-04:00

also known as things to do instead of filing my taxes...

1. laundry
2. write lessons
3. scrub bathroom
4. wash massive pile of dishes
5. scrub kitchen
6. sort mail
7. take a nap
8. enjoy sunshine
9. watch an old movie
10. write email
11. call a friend
12. go to the grocery store
13. take out the trash
14. take a walk
15. go work out
16. reorganize closet
17. reorganize purse
18. bake a cake
19. have a beer
20. run the vacuum
21. surf the net
22. play a game
23. update the ipod

i don't want to do my taxes
and it is amazing the sheer number of shit i can come up with to avoid doing it.
there are more things to be sure...if you have suggestions, please leave them. I am always up for new and improved ways to procastinate

the competition

2007-03-19T04:50:00.000-04:00

ok, so this post will give away more info than I am normally alright with, but alas, it is too good to pass up.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1599099,00.html
my school district is in the latest issue of time magazine, documenting an accusation of forced ouster of low achieving students from the high school that we are most closely competing against.

They are our rivals. We offer the same academic programs. where my school caters to low income, challenged students of a variety of racial backgrounds...this other school has a reputation of being populated by only the wealthy and the white.

over recent years the comparisons have been centered around performance on the state NCLB standardized tests...while i teach at a good school, we are not the best test takers in the district. in stark contrast, this other school does find itself at the top of the test score list. The point of fascination of me, this article documents the forcible removal of low achieving, low income, nonwhite students.

makes me proud of where I work.

getting healthy

2007-03-09T04:49:00.000-05:00

I decided it was time to get my shit together and attempt to be healthy. In doing so I had two choices, work out or change how I eat. I opted to work out...with my stress level, giving up easy food is NOT going to happen.
So I joined one of those girlie gyms...guys not welcome, 30 min circuit of different activities.
and one month has gone by
I'd like to share my progress...
in 1 month
lost 2.25 lbs
lost 7.25 inches (damn english measurements)
lost 1.33% of my body fat
all three are great reasons (in my book any way) to keep at it

Things I don't want to know.

2007-02-28T05:17:00.000-05:00

why me.
I mean seriously. I always know more than your average person because I listen to what people say. You could accuse me of being nosy or a gossip, but I still just find things out.

I guess what I am trying to get to saying here is that I have news that I know I can't share, but I have to share. So I am going to share here.

I have found out that the assistant principle that I adore and would do anything to help out is leaving to go to another school. I have found out that he is being replaced with the assistant principle whom I find to be a bubble headed whore .

This woman is not the person I want taking care of all instructional issues at the school. She sexually harasses the head men's basketball coach (who has a stunning girlfriend whom he is trying to buy a ring for). She gets way too into the PERSONAL (non school related) business of the young teachers, to the point where they feel like she is violating some sort of professional code. And more than all of that, she is only 28. Now I know that as a woman I should be supportive, and as a young leader I should be supportive. My issue is that I have a very hard time taking classroom related instruction from a woman who spent only 3-4 years in the classroom. Her claim to fame was that she was honored as teacher of the year....my question, was it just at her school, or was it something that is worth discussing?

ok, gossip shared, I feel better.
Thanks

weirdness

2007-02-15T20:46:00.000-05:00

Lots of stuff in no particular order

1. the best part of block scheduling is that the second semester students already know how to learn and you don't have to spend the first week of the term reteaching that particular skill.

2. thirty two kids in a chemistry classroom is too many.

3. sleepy kids are far better than kids who are way too awake

4. snow days are overrated...especially in the south...wtf is the point.

5. teenage boys should not be allowed to have a crush on me...and I don't know if it is real, but this kid is in my classroom for no reason other than to chat with me at least three times a week. He is a good kid, and sadly enough I probably would have dated him in high school, but the 10 year age gap and the alternative police measures definitively cancel out anything that could happen with this kid.

6. I teach a girl who hears me less when I speak than TJ did when mom talked. good lord. Crush boy tosses something at her, I yell at him and the class in general (the chem room is NOT the place to be tossing anything), and before I had even finished the lecture this girl is tossing stuff back at the crush kid...my head could have exploded.

7. things with wacko girl get worse...SHE ASKS ME THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. and doesn't listen when I answer her questions. I mean damn. THEY ARE HER QUESTIONS. I am going to have words with this girl, and she had better pass my class, because I will NOT teach her again.

8. so in my extra-super big class...which is an honors/IB class....I have the obligatory "ghetto-wanna-be" contingent (that group that attends my classes because the parents didn't want their black kids to be black...that is a totally different post which I guess I should make shortly)...among this special group is a BITCH....yes, the caps are needed...I have never met a kid so full of herself...and she cuts school. but I guess momma is on to her, or something because she got busted today and now momma wants verification of her presence in class...this should be fun. The sad thing is that i am happier with her gone....(I know it sounds awful, but she is just so rude)

9. speaking of rude. the rich white girl...who is such a stereotype...just walks around with a look of "screw you woman"....she makes it her game to try to distract the class. I need to overthrow her. It is a mission....super sad...sigh

enough for now.

New kids

2007-01-27T17:17:00.000-05:00

so, new semester.
right.

in the "real world" (also known as the north), a new semester just basically means a new set of grades. down here...well...a new semester means a whole new set of classes, new kids, new schedules...the works. The block schedule is totally wacking my mind out.
a new set of kids.

riiiiiiiight

not sure about that one. I had a good time with the last set. though the classes were starting to drive me up a BIG wall. so new kids are a good idea. though learning new names is an adventure. I like my classes thus far. My second period class is so cool. totally laid back, interested in material, appropriately behaved. I don't know if it is going to last, but I can hope. I mean you should know that it is a "regular" class. They aren't identified as being somehow academically special in anyway, except based on how they act with me

The thing that I am struggling with right now is class size. i have 32 kids in one section. that is right I said thirty two. In a chemistry lab. 32 kids. crap dude. 28 is a stretch, but 32...good lord... I have no idea how I am going to do it. updates on safety violations to come
xo

who is the jackass?

2007-01-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

oh yea, that is right, it is me.
I overslept again
like a fool. bought presents for my boss, who has had to cover for me both days.
set 3 alarm clocks for tomorrow.
not that it is an excuse, but maybe I am getting sick?

oversleeping

2007-01-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

so when I worked in corporate offices oversleeping meant very little. Mostly it meant that I had to stay at work later than normal. By no means was that professional behavior, but the consequences were minimal and I rarely put someone else into a position of having to do my work while I was sleeping.

Today, for the first time in 2 years I committed that minor error of oversleeping. Now from this I have learned many little lessons that I would like to share with you in list form....

1. at 4'11" I should only take the child's dose of generic nite-quil

2. I can be ready to leave for work in less than 10 minutes (cuteness being ignored behind speed)

3. I do NOT look good without make-up

4. My students can tell when I don't have on make-up

5. There is way more traffic at 8am than there is at 530am

6. I do not teach well without that extra hour to get ready before I deal with kids

7. My co-workers have to do my job when I oversleep

8. I don't need a venti bold from starbucks if I get to sleep past 730am

9. My mom will not wake me if I sleep late anymore

10. The small amount of respect I get from my kids goes straight out the window when I engage in behavior that they enjoy.

dating as a teacher

2007-01-15T20:44:00.000-05:00

So, one of the things that is a big part of my life is dating and other general relationship issues. the challenge with dating as a teacher is that the kids are unavoidably a part of that...be it them noticing a change in mood or being out on a date and encountering a kid. no way to avoid that stuff without being some sort of a freak. And really, that stuff isn't all that big of a deal, I mean truly, the kids are cool about it all.

For the last year or so I have been in a relationship with a guy who live across the state from me. I thought (in a naive way) that the distance would not be a big deal. Long story short, fidelity was not one of his priorities, and I am once again single. What I did not take into account was how my kids would take care of me. The break up was less of a big deal than you would think...no hysteria or gut emotion based drama...but my kids were still supportive.

Please don't think of me as that teacher who shares too much. I at least don't think that I am. But it is very hard to interact with people the way that I have to with my students and not connect enough for them to know that I am dating someone specific. So in any case, love from the kids, was sweet.

And that leads me to my current challenges, finding a new source of men to date. Now some people date coworkers, not so much an option for me, the single men are not my type and the ones that are my type are not single. Other people get together in bars, now I am a girl who does not normally hang out in bars alone, so how do I get men to approach me there? right, moving on. The internet, though a great source of potential dates, it also leaves me open to my students knowing or finding undo personal information. So dilemmas abound. Time will tell.

a long time coming

2007-01-14T02:40:00.000-05:00

I hate that I don't post here often enough. I hate that I am so stressed at work this year. I love my kids. I do. They help me maintain some serious humility. I value them greatly. The thing that I am struggling with right now is the lack of respect I get from them. I am worried that I am very lax in my classroom management skills. But that is another issue altogether. For now i am thankful to have my students as a distraction from my breakup...nothing like a cheating, lying boyfriend and a lengthy email from the girl he had been dating since prior to his divorce.

I say that I am over it, but I don't think I am...I don't think that I want to be over it yet. I want to have the emotional response to all of this, to be angry and cry...I just haven't gotten there, and I don't know why.

In the bigger picture, I have a new set of kids entering my class soon. should be fun.
we will see.

the Mean and Disappointed Teacher

2006-10-04T05:11:00.000-04:00

I was off on Friday- took the day to drive North to see family. Left my students with a sub and a simple, straightfoward task. A vocabulary activity for all of my students, and for my IB (like honors or) higher level classes also a lab analysis task.

When I returned to my classroom I found that NO ONE had completed the vocabulary activity. And that the students in the IB level class had been "sharing" answers for their solo activity. So needless to say, their first day back included a visit from the "mean and disappointed teacher." I gave them a lecture on ethics. I gave them their grades (which reflect the disappointed thing, and were certainly mean). And then I gave them a quiz on the vocabulary...Needless to say, it didn't go very well...when I checked my email this morning, I had this message....

Ms. H,

If you're reading this, it shows that you care. I've had incidents in the past where teachers wouldn't listen to me especially in a state of frustration such as the one you might be in right now based on how you were at the beginning of class today. This email may mean nothing to you but I just needed to type it.

On that note, I feel at least partially responsible for a good portion of the class not completing the math section of the lab analysis on Friday, although it was really a group effort. I was one of the first, if not the first, people to reach that point in the assignment. I started trying to use the section in the yellow packet to try and figure it out and began to get confused. As more people reached that point, they did the same thing and when they couldn't figure it out they would ask me if I knew how to do it. It kept building like that until a good portion of the class reached a concensus that noone knew how to do it. We were hoping that you seeing that noone had completed it would show you that no one knew how to do it and I'm sure at least some of us were shocked when you saw it as a lack of effort.

Secondly, regarding the issue of matching answers on the analyses. There were several groups of students bouncing ideas off of each other's heads and they weren't the students who had no idea what they were doing; they just wanted to check with someone else. I understand that everyone was supposed to work on their own but, with all do respect, I don't see how you could truly expect that out of ANY class, even a top tier IB class. In particular, I remember a question that involved spectroscopes. People were on their own programs trying to figure out what a spectroscope was and no one could find it. I managed to come up with a reasonable guess as to what it was. Others then started to ask me if I had found it and I told them the truth, that I hadn't but I had a guess. I guess that some might have copied my guess word for word. However, shortly after that, T was able to find a dictionary definitition which some people may have directly copied. Again, these people werent' clueless, they just couldn't find the definition.

At this point, you might think that I'm feeding you crap and I don't know how else to say it but I'm not. I also don't want you to see me as a tattle-tale or even a traitor, just because I stepped up and said something. I feel that your punishment based on Friday was extremely harsh although I now realize that I should have expected. Even the quiz today, I think was unfair. I worked the whole class on Friday and I still did not finish the assignment. However, I don't expect you to change anything, I just really wanted you to hear the other side.

Thank you,

J

Now, of course I felt this deserved a reply, I mean the kid had the balls to say something....so I thusly replied

J,

Thank you for being adult enough to admit to your part in the problems from Friday. I recognize that the assignment was quite large and no one was able to finish it in the class period...but what you need to know is that I chose something that had all the answers in either the red text or your class text, and something that was significant for your learning. This work was not the typical sub-lesson busy work, I value your time and education too much.

Working on your own was a clear expectation, that you as a group chose to not follow directions is not something I can help with, but the consequences are such that you should be aware of, they will follow you throughout your time in the IB program. Please know that I can see how you could/would bounce ideas off of each other, but confirming your thought process does not mean that the entire answer is identical for more than half of the class (down to the punctuation).

Now, to answer your questions on the quiz....if I had wanted to be truly harsh, I would have let your grades stand as they were at that first taking. However it is crucial that you know those terms, and it will leave you in an even more difficult situation should you not get them. Which is why I am letting you finish the vocabulary and retake the quiz..

I appreciate that you are letting me know how you felt about the situation. Please do not feel I am attempting to minimize that. Just know where I am coming from as well.

that is about it....more to follow sooner or later
let me know what you think.
H

confiscated note

2006-09-22T04:53:00.000-04:00

not from my class, but rather taken from students in the class that floats into my classroom...

a dialog between two students (freshmen)...typed word for word

guy: Hi how you doin?
girl: I knew u would say dat I'm fine u?
guy: Great I'm Just Great. Be honest am I ugly?
girl: yea, non im just playin u straight I mean u ain't ugly so no u not ugly y? u tryna know so bad from all these chicks
guy: I dk Just being stupid. I'm Just try to get on your nevers that why I keep asking you.
girl: dats not possible unless u my lil bro u can't get I my nerves cuz dats wat I b doin 2 peps
guy: O you got a boy friend?
girl: non but dis nigga I talkin 2 tryna hook up wit me y?
guy: Just askin oh so you goin to hook up with him?
girl: I don't know yet, it depend
guy: ON What?
girl whateva I don't know I just started talkin 2 him so I don't know yet?
guy: When?
girl: wat u mean, when oh I don't know I gotta get 2 know da nigga first y?
guy: I meant how long you been talking?
girl: oh since like yesterday, cuz dats when I gave him my #,
guy: Oh I don't want a girlfriend cuz I'm leaving. I just wont a fuck buddy.
girl: so wat y sayin u want dat 2 b me
guy: I didn't say that but I wouldn't mind if it was you
girl: ha u funny, but it wouldn't b me so. . . . y u wuz tellin me then & y u wouldn't mind if it wuz me & don't blurt out wat I right
guy: 4 one thing I was just sayin 2nd Because I wouldn't mind fuckin you not many niggas would. & last I say what the fuck I want out loud
girl: who u gettin smart wit u can calm down cuz won't nobody 2 affend u, so chill

and thus we have reached the end.
please leave your thoughts.

lacking better words....

2006-08-26T21:56:00.000-04:00

....to describe the sheer volume of screw ups that we faced to start the school year. And profanity just doesn't seem to do the job effectively....

Friday was the first day with kids

It was awful.

I know that in my building (we have a population of about 2300) we are
short by about 10 teachers (in addition to the 30 or so who are new this
year).  There was a bit of insanity where they convinced a teacher who
had left to come back to a new department (a certified HPE teacher to
return to teach a bit of life science) but that was rejected by downtown. 

We spent the entire day yesterday in homeroom...it was such a waste of
time that I wanted to climb under my desk and hide.  My senior homeroom
of 26 students had 4 blank schedules, 1 schedule with empty slots (a kid
with no classes in certain periods), and a minimum of 5 schedules with
major errors (a kid who was reassigned into freshman classes they had
already taken and passed, etc).

Oh, yea, and we don't have class rosters yet, can't take attendance
digitally, and our new gradebook system doesn't work (I love when people
implement new computers after ineffective testing).

Top it all off with someone's brilliant idea to take the HVAC system and
computerize it.  Yea, so they have been working on that all summer and
it isn't done yet.  There are buildings on the campus that has virtually
NO AC and then there is my building, where the AC is on full blast, and
we shiver (seriously, it is so cold that condensation collects on
EVERYTHING...all my papers are damp).  I feel for the folks in our
trailers...they (and by "they" i mean downtown) decided to put
everything (AC, Lights, perhaps electricity) on motion sensors...it is
UGLY. 

I don't know what is going to happen, but all the teachers are VERY
stressed out. 

so, I am sure I will have more, but i guess that is it for now.

da roof..da roof..da roof is on fire!!!!!!

2006-07-26T21:58:00.000-04:00

wow is that ever the most ghetto-fab title I could have ever come up with. so a story to be told....

first, the background
I live in a decently yuppie apartment complex. all the apartment buildings are pretty, they have siding that is painted a soft yellow with white trim. the community buildings are set infront of well manicured swimming pools, they have big windows and red-brick facades...there are two of them. the little one sits fairly close to my apartment building. The big community center is the equivalet of a block or two away. It is home to many important things...the leasing office, the nice gym area, the video room, the raquetball court and the big laundrymat (not that I use any of those things)...and of course all of the maitnence equipment and supplies (including chemicals and stuff for the pool). This building is also home to all the mailboxes in the complex (for HUNDREDS of apartments).

well, that was how everything WAS yesterday.

This morning, things changed....

I woke up early this morning to get ready for my conference (I will explain in the next post). I was going about my normal routine (staring at walls, checking emails, waking slowly) and turned on the shower and climbed under what should have been the spray....being the deep thinker that I am before 7am, I thought to myself "dude, what up with the water?" And of course, the hour being early as it was...I replied with the ever so profound..."well did you pay the water bill?" (a valid question given how scatter brained I am)...now becoming rather indignant, I countered with "screw you"....

I won't bore you with the entire intrapersonal conversation...but suffice to say that while the water coming out of the showerhead was warm, it was entirely lacking pressure. Now, out of the shower I checked a couple potential issues that I thought were reasonable answers for the water troubles. 1) I checked the pipes under my sinks and near the waterheater {no troubles found} 2) I looked out the window because you never know when a watermain break might happen, and it sounded like a good answer {sadly there was no geyser in the middle of the street outside of my place}. Being the proper scientist that I am, I promptly gave up my quest for the source of the issue. Instead, I turned on the news and proceded to continue getting ready for my meetings.

Well I may be a bit slow in the am, but there is still some base level brain activity. So, I noticed when the traffic report said that the street that leads to my complex was closed for...(yea, didn't hear why, just heard the street name).

In any case, this made me stop and pay attention to the news for a spell. Found out why the street was closed. And why I had no water. The Big Community center, it was ablaze. A two alarm fire. Most of the fire centered around the following areas...leasing office, mailbox area, and maitnence supply area. First report from the fire marshall was that it was "suspicious." Later reports state that there was an explosion prior to anyone seeing the fire....

I am just wondering who was the disgruntled resident (or former resident) that decided they needed to lay the smack down.

Maybe you didn't need this post, but I just wanted an excuse to use this title.

it seems I am not the only one

2006-07-23T22:59:00.000-04:00

I like to read blogs. I find them to be greatly amusing. I love catching glimpses of other lives. I often wonder if others are vaguely entertained by the meanderings of my brain. I like to find blogs by linking to them from the blogs I read on a regular basis...just to follow the chain of interest... today I linked to Crazy Aunt Purl.... a blog written by a self described "thirty-something, newly divorced, displaced Southern obsessive-compulsive knitter who has four cats." I like this chick. I am impressed by the way she writes, talks, things...whatever...it is a blog I will keep reading.

Now typically I do not blog about other blogs, but C.A.P. had an entry that made me giggle to no end. Allow me to explain before I share... often I feel that I am just babbling like some sort of idiot. That I make up words and string together phrases that would not sound right to any other brain but my own. Well it seems that C.A.P. does the same thing. When Jase and I went to see Pirates 2, I saw an ad for the movie she was discussing, and it is a perfect use of term.

I sent the link to Steve. He said it perfectly...."that's pretty funny, I could see you doing that"

ok, enough said, just had to share.
peace

Back in my own world

2006-07-16T18:12:00.000-04:00

wow, ok, home...not my parent's home, but MY home. I admit now that NC has become my home. I am more comfortable here than I am in the north. Being in my parent's house is a bit daunting, like that world doesn't quite fit any more...and it is more than just going back to sleeping in a twin bed. Please don't think that I dislike my friends and family...I love them, and being so far away is very hard. But there are ways that the distance has become quite helpful. Take for example the last entry...That feeling of being left behind by my friends, it is a great deal easier to cope with from afar. I realize that while they are advancing in their love lives, I am growing more as in myself. And don't think in any way that I am better than my friends...Just that I am in quite a different part of my life. I am not sure if this is where I am meant to stay, but I feel more like the me I want to be here. As a single person, it is easier to be friends with people who are a part of serious couples (engaged and/or married) when you don't have to encounter them every time you want to socialize.

Now, here, I have my police man. A dear man that he is too. The temptation to use the 4-letter word to describe my feelings is growing, but I am not sure that it is time for that yet. What I have with him is quite special. We are talking about going on a mini-vaca in a few weeks, hoping for a last minute deal and go somewhere that we can take his dog with us.

Speaking of going places with my guy, I have a family wedding to go to in the fall in the north. We are discussing him coming with me. This would be a big deal, meeting my family. We will see what comes of that.

Other news, I have training sessions to go to this summer. It would be the one that I was suggested to go to by a guy from the school board. I have heard mentions of what this stuff is all about. It is a fairly "touchy-feely" teaching style, which is not generally me. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't offend people by the amount of time I spend rolling my eyes.

xo for now

my best friend's wedding...

2006-07-01T23:52:00.000-04:00

my god i had no idea how emotionally trying this one was going to be. i generally think i am a fairly sane/normal girl. i have no idea today why i cannot stop crying...pms is the only vaguely valid excuse that i have...and i know that isn't enough to cut it for what i am up to. ..i feel like some sort of freak.

in a stretch of 371 days my three oldest friends will be married....today was a first...i have yet to quit crying. i do not know what my problem is...i feel like a freak...i am super happy for her....i don't know if the tears are related to female issues, jealousy, or happiness for the newly weds. and don't think something wrong...as much as i love her, it is all in a strictly sisterly way...am i lonely for the man i am dating, lonely for the friends i don't get to see every week since i have moved south, or jealous for the kind of loving relationship that i crave. is there something wrong that i haven't even gotten close to this point yet. do i lack some sort of lovable quality. is there something that other women are aware of that i have yet to be clued in upon?

why is such stupid shit so fucking trying? pms and alcohol only excuses a small portion of this shit in my world. beyond that i am in uber flake mode and i have totally no clue as to why.

for those of you who don't know, the two who got married today are my favorite couple. she is like the little sister i never had, and i think he is perfect for her....in the end, i just want to know why today makes we weep...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME, DO I HAVE NO HEART?

The End of a Year

2006-06-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

well, the kids have all gone home for the final time. exams have been taken. grade bubble sheets have been filled in (i will rant on this topic shortly). classrooms are being un-decorated. files are being boxed up. useless crap is being effectively recycled. and it seems only fitting that i take the time to reflect on the entire year that has passed.

i am still in shock that an entire year has taken place. academic or otherwise, a large chunk of time has gone by with me living in the south. i have yet to shake the feeling of being on some sort of strange extended vacation. don't get me wrong. i get up every day, i go to work, i have my routine. but somehow i lack the feeling of connection here. like i don't yet belong entirely. but i am not sure if this is a feeling that i have had anywhere.

i love my job. as much as i may bitch about kids, or paperwork, i enjoy what i do each day. there is no repetition of daily tasks. yes, i do get up every day and stand before a group of kids, but it isn't the same as answering phone calls and sending faxes...not like the other jobs i have had.

there is a great deal to be said for the variety of technological advances that have been made in the world. corporations and buisness have mountains of them. yet you would be amazed at how few of these advancements have managed to trickle into the public schools. there is no exporting of grades to produce report cards-- no no, i have to fill in a mountain of scan sheets so that some computer can go f-up all the data. it is a battle to get good, functional computers into a classroom. forget getting enough data-projectors into the school so that teachers can use powerpoint and other means of presenting to add interest into lessons. teachers have no integrated means of grading, taking attendance, and interfacing with other teachers about students. testing situations still leave mountains to be desired- a dream world would negate the scantron sheets in favor of computer based tests. in any case, there is alot that i would love to get into my classes, but one will have to wait and see what comes.

one of the best parts...the kids. shocking as it may be, spending the last year living the thug life was actually enjoyable. there were those who made me want to rip my hair out with frustration. but the kids who figured out how to pass, how to make it work, what to do, and how to do it...they are the ones who made it worthwhile. the kids who walked in on thursday and friday and hugged me to say thank you, those are the kids i have the most hope for.

i have a great fear though from this whole year. that would be that i did some form of disservice to my students. that they don't know enough chemistry to survive anything that they may face in the future. that is my worry.

i know that my class was far easier than that of the other chemistry teachers, that i bent far more than i probably should have. i have to hope that i have learned something from this year. that i know what i can expect next year and will be better prepared to face it.

more, as always, is yet to come

obligatory immigration entry

2006-06-04T20:24:00.000-04:00

yes yes, i know, this is long over due. both the entry and discussion of the topic.

so, one of my most promising students, who has the greatest potential for future success in the real world (business, science, law, something) came to me for help studying for her finals. while we were reviewing we talked about what she will do after she graduates. I had been encouraging her towards a future in more education. it is amazing when a kid knows there is more to the situation than the "adult" is aware of. the girl was kind of embarassed by the whole thing...and from the way she acted, i half expected her to tell me that she had a husband and a kid and that was why she wouldn't be going on to more education. but no...she told me that her family entered the country more than 8 years ago on 6month visas and have been here ever since.

this makes me wonder how many of my students are in this status quandry. what does it mean to the country we live in. what happened to people coming in droves. i know that it is a drain on the national economy to provide assistance to illegal immigrants...but i am am going to stop that thought there. this blog is about me being a first year teacher. this is about what i see with my kids. about the things that i am frustrated by. this is not about my political leanings. i do worry about the kids though. it is amazing the hoops that children must leap through just in dealing with the regulations handed down from NCLB. to add to that the drama and constant worry of an ever fluctuating immigration status just makes my head spin.

in any case..i worry about this girl. i think that she deserves more out of life. than she could get in her home country. i have hope for her. i have hope for all of them.

my year is almost over. hopefully i should have time to say what else is going on by then.

sometimes you just shouldn't ask

2006-03-19T16:11:00.000-05:00

i am burned out. exhausted. overwhelmed. frustrated. annoyed. every day i struggle to get through my classes. i am challenged by the desire to use explatives to describe and deride the students. luckily spring break is coming up shortly.

i do just have to survive the next few days...and that is the hard part. the other day was a perfect example of where my frustration is coming from. . .i was prepping the kids to do an experiement. reviewing procedures and answering questions. i had diagrams drawn on the board. i had them reading aloud. i thought it was going great. aparently not. once i was finished, i turn them loose on the lab and told them to get to work. given that i thought i was good to go, i took a seat at my desk to take attendance while they got started. it was of course too good to be true. i was immediately under siege by questions from students. all of which i had covered in my intro to the tasks.

and thus i made my mistake. i turned to a set of 5 students who were doing something completely incorrect and i asked them "what do you hear when i speak to you?" three of the students looked down at the table or away from where i was, one of them gave the profound "uh" as his answer...but the 5th student was the one who gave the most honest answer he turned to me, shrugged, and said "we don't"

so aparently i sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....gotta love it.

questions 2

2006-02-22T23:01:00.000-05:00

aparently i was effectively teaching something today, only two questions....

Is a armadillo a rodent?

Ms. H, isn't it true if you sneeze, fart, and hiccup at the same time, you spontaneously combust?

where do kids get these ideas? i mean really?

New Feature...."the questions"

2006-02-18T12:15:00.000-05:00

a current pet peeve with my students are the useless questions that distract my students...i have gotten so sick of it that the kids now have to write down the question and i have promised that i will answer anything that they write down.

being the sharing gal that i am, i will be bringing those questions here for your entertainment.

most of the questions come from one student (name withheld to protect the youngsters), and i will type them EXACTLY as they were written....

Starfish, sponge, sea horse...do they reproduce?

Is the element K - krypton and did it come from krypton where superman comes from and is it green and can you smoke it?

Can hamster have heart attacks?

Do babies really have kneecaps cuz I heard they don't?

The skin on your elbow are they really made out of the same materials as old people nipples?

So if you cut an octapus tenacles off like quird off of Spongebob and instead of blood do ink come out

do starfish have spinal cords?

how do snakes urinate

Ms. H can't you become a virgin again (not physically but spiritually)?

What is tea bagging?

Don't Josh look like a hamster

is the statue of liberty on top of the white house?

when your parent say you are skating on thin ice how thin is the ice.

now, re-read those, and remember, I teach chemistry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much for that last posting.

2006-01-31T05:36:00.000-05:00

WHINE

just spent 10 minutes typing up a witty little commentary on my favorite blog (Overheard in Pittsburgh), even took the time to use multiple little link things so as to share with you a really funny and teacher appropriate steelers commentary, but it apparently has run away, so this is the high lights reel that you get instead..... and then i log on later in the day, and things have magically returned....wtf?

I FEEL SPECIAL

in other news, i have been named teacher of the week by one of the local tv stations...it is kind of slick. don't know who nominated me for it, or why, but i feel special.

dem stillers, etc...

2006-01-31T05:28:00.000-05:00

as you know, every so often i like to take the time to write about something non-educational...today we will be taking the teacher spin on the pittsburgh steelers (that would be "stillers" to those of you who speak pittsburghese). being a girl who was born and raised in pittsburgh (and yes i do actually mean pittsburgh, not to be confused with the suburbs or rural regions that surround the city) i do have to love the boys in black and gold...it is some sort of dna imprint thing...i don't ask, i just go with it...

i have been working for the past several months (6 to be exact) with several other recovering pittsburghers....they are far more pittsburgh than i, but they are also men, so it is to be expected...in any case, while surfing one of my favorite blogs (Overheard in Pittsburgh) i came across a posting that made me think of the two guys in my little social group who are the most pittsburgh (dan and tim) i am still giggling at this one ten minutes later.

so, in summary, Go Stillers....and OIP is a riot, you should read it to understand why i am this way.

long overdue update

2006-01-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

ok a few things that have been going on...

let's start with THE LOST CHILD
this little girl....i am at times without words but not without worry about this child. she has attempted to quit basketball again since my last post. she has broken up with and perhaps reconciled with her boyfriend (who seems to be one of the few people that she has a close and positive relationship with). and then there was the most recent events which perplex me...she was a no show to school on thursday and friday, for which her mother called the coach and said that L.C. was not coming to school and not going to be participating in friday's game..no mention of L.C. being ill, or unwell...but that there was some issue that had to be dealt with by the girl. not to neglect the fact that the kid has been talking about getting a job lately and just acting less and less like the kid i first met in august and the one i had known for much of the first semester. i was discussing her with the coach and her study hall teacher recently....we've come to agree that a troubling personality change has taken place. we are going to talk to the social workers who are based out of the school and see what they feel like needs to be done to help the girl. mostly because something is NOT RIGHT in this entire situation.

next topic BASKETBALL
damn, let me tell you, my kids rock....yea, no ego there or anything :)
the varsity guys team have had several articles in the local paper. tops on the local charts, i am just beyond words with the boys...and then the varsity girls are showing well...even with some drama. the jv squad for the boys have a great potential for next year...the jv girls on the other hand leave a good deal to be desired..i guess we will see who gets recruited next year.

other school events
WRESTLING
their season is wrapping up and the kids are working quite hard. their regional championships are next weekend...i plan on spending my saturday jumping and hollaring as my boys kick the butts of other boys.
on an alternative front, i have been mentoring one of the wrestlers i have in class. a good kid, somewhat lazy, but what kid isn't. i just hope i am of some slight use for him.

SCHOOL PLAY
they performed a comedy entitled "dearly departed" was cute/funny. one of my students performed quite well. i was impressed.

NON SCHOOL RELATED (mostly)

I AM DAMN POOR RIGHT NOW. stupid school district thought it was ok to pay us on 12/20/05 and then not again until 1/31/06....and having my car fixed after the accident and having my brakes fixed so i don't have another accident add up to NO MONEY. it is making me totally nuts. i am freaked about paying bills. i have my insurance due. i have my rent due. i have to sign up to take a test. my discover bill is HUGE. i need to get paid, i need the rest of my signing bonus, and i need tax return....NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

an old friend has come to visit. it is good to see him. has been a while. it certainly makes my apartment feel less empty, and helps me to realize that it couldn't hurt to alter my living situation....
this summer looks like it is going to be crazy with weddings and such, but in addition to that, i need to change how i live, i need a roommate, and i need to get the hell out of this apartment building...it is time for a townhouse or a house-house. some more space, and some decrease in neighbor noise would be CLUTCH. i have talked to some new friends about living together and have at least one potential roommate...we will see where it all leads.

the lost child

2006-01-02T21:37:00.000-05:00

as i have spent the last 4 months working with these kids i have come to notice that those who succeed generally (not always) have a stable, loving home...it does not matter how many parents are there, whether or not the kid works, what sort of neighborhood they live in. there is a young man i teach who lives with his grandmother, he works every day after school to help pay the household bills, he plays football, and he tries super hard to make his way through each day because that little old lady will kick his ass, because she loves him. now there is a girl in the exact same class that breaks my heart every time i see her...she is who i would like to talk about today.

a junior, not brilliant by any means, but sweet, hard working, pretty, and a solid basketball player. in fact it is basketball and the support network that surrounds it that has been helping her through high school. the coach got her all the tutoring she could ever dream of last season, this season he and i helped to organize study skills and methods for her, she became my little mentee. this girl loved basketball, so much so that she went so far as to have her number tattoo-ed on her arm in a basketball. she does not have a stable home life. her mother is not well mentally, to such a degree that she cannot (or will not) work. as mom doesn't work, grammy (who is just as nuts as mom and lives in NJ) pays the rent. i am still not sure where food comes from, i know that it regularly does not actually show up, i know that this girl doesn't get regular meals. from what i understand, though this little family is eligible for some form of government assistance, mom wants nothing to do with it (which i don't understand)...now, at one point during my time helping this girl we talked about her options, about what she would lose if she gave up basketball in favor of working, or quitting school to have babies. it is amazing that she hadn't thought about in terms of what her participation in sports were doing for her, her coaches force mandatory study halls to get through their homework (certainly something that she would not find at a job or in parenthood). the thing is that i think that the nutty mom (who on some days i wonder about if she is abusing her child in at least an emotional way) is trying and succeeding in forcing her daughter to give up basketball in favor of work. i asked her today why...her only answer "i just can't anymore miss h, i just can't." now realize that mom was standing in the background during that little phone conversation. i am going to talk to her again/more tomorrow. i need to see if she really is giving up what i thought she loved, if she is giving it up because she WANTS to, or because she is being FORCED to. that is the thing that would break my heart, to think that a parent would destroy her child chances at a stable future in this way.

enough for now, i will update on this if/when i get answers.
miss h

drugs and the modern teacher.

2006-01-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

let me preface this entry by saying, with full honesty, that I have never sampled illegal drugs in my life. i have had no need or desire to alter my mental state with anything more involved than alcohol and caffeine.

tonite i was at a new year's party (happy new year by the way). now the teacher who was hosting happened to be into smoking up a good bit. and we also took some time to discuss the drug usage of my counterparts during college.

Now all of this conversation lead me to some thoughts....(feel free to voice your opinions on this one).
-- i realize that the question of legalizing marajuana is always present, but until that takes place how do you justify a behavior that is illegal
--how do you talk to kids about not doing something that you yourself do
--since people can go from daily habit to not using at all without much issue, does this show that unlike nicotine, marijuana is far less addictive?
--do far more people than i realize actually smoke up on a regular basis?
--am i some sort of a freak for having never participated?
--is there something about teachers that make them more willing to use marijuana?

yes they were smoking up at the party...no i did not see it take place...once again did not participate. i just can't imagine giving up that much control of my body...i do enough dumb stuff while drinking...

so yea...let me know.

the long journey "home"

2005-12-24T17:04:00.000-05:00

yes i did just use the term "home," quotation marks are required. i realize that once again, the house i grew up in is NOT my home. the greyness and cold remind me of the big reasons i moved south to begin with.

took me forever to get here. and it just feels surreal to be here at all. i am waiting to have a curfew imposed upon me. because well, that is how mom is.

friends haven't changed, but they have. i don't know. more to come i guess

h

completely unrelated to education

2005-12-18T21:32:00.000-05:00

lately i feel like forrest gump chasing after jenny. looking for love in all the places it doesn't reside. coming across potential sources of it at the wrong times. just adding to my lonely existence of late. yes i have been making friends, and hanging out with people, and meeting nice guys who have potential...but still nothing that seems to be IT. not that i know what IT is, i'd like to think it is something i would recognize when the time was right...but who really knows.

for those of you who don't know me in the "real" world, this is a regular issue with me. i seem to attract and/or be attracted to men who don't want a relationship, but that they want to play...(see "dating" history...mike, jon, joey). i think i found another one here...i guess time will tell with this one.

out for now
miss h

the stress of teenagers or why miss h is too tired

2005-12-15T04:24:00.000-05:00

i have become hyper involved with things at school. in addition to teaching six normal classes and tutoring the kids who need help from those classes, i have told you about helping the basketball teams, i have helped at a couple of wrestling events, i am coaching a team for a science competition and now i am teaching saturday school as well. (saturday school= recap/review sessions for students who have failed or are failing and need to relearn the material).

my basketball players are failing and need lots of extra help. hell, a good number of my students are doing far worse than they should be doing. so they all want help, or they want to do make up work. and they want to get the help on their time, when it works for them. so that is an adventure, especially since i won't help on days i have to travel with the basketball teams and there are always some meeting or another that i have to attend after school. now there are those kids who will wait for me to get to go over things, and there are those kids who will just blow it off and continue to perform worse.

yesterday i had a hard session with one of my students. she is a basketball player, and the coach asked me to help out (aparently a woman is capable of something that three men are not). the girl is trying to pass classes, play basketball, and help raise her young family (not her children, but her mother's...though that is not a difference you can see). the kid is so stressed that she is having anxiety or panic attacks. it makes me want to cry. i think this the first time i am going to be willing to give out my home number to help this kid.

sigh. H

down side to long weekend

2005-11-30T04:33:00.000-05:00

this weekend was the best thing that had happened to me in a while. i was seriously so burned out, i don't know if i had much energy left in me...the thing is, as good as having that break was, damn coming back is painful. monday morning, the kids wanted no parts of learning, ,they wanted no parts of hearing me, and to be honest, i wanted no parts of dealing with them.

in addition to dealing with not wanting to be at school, i have had to turn into the bitch teacher recently. i am so sick of kids turning things in whenever they want, so i have started dropping grades with every day the item was late. this did not fly well. infact, it earned me a whole class groan. and to tell you the truth, i enjoyed it.

the kids with the momma's who contacted me are showing some effort. one with true improvement, one without....we shall see on that one.

LOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend

2005-11-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

just had to share, I love this long weekend stuff. man. I could use more of these. just getting to unwind, and sleep, and forget it all.

that is it.
later

mr/ms anonymous is right

2005-11-25T05:37:00.000-05:00

the comment about sports as a way to get involved. you are quite right. and i am manipulating my athletic talents as a means to meet people and wedge my way into the school social setting.

you see i am fairly capable when it comes to dealing with sports statistics, and i know of very few coaches who will turn down an offer from someone willing to help them out with stats. so i worked with football but didn't really meet anyone. and within the last month have started with basketball, and now i feel like i am slowly but surely finding a social niche.

but at the same time i still question, am i being invited because i am wanted there or because i am around as they make the plans and they feel obligated?

entering the social network

2005-11-20T14:59:00.000-05:00

i never realized what a closed group educators are. settling in a new town has led to quite a challenge of finding friends to hang out with outside of school. trying to make my world again, not quite sure where to start. is it through co-workers, or neighbors, or joining a church...it makes life hard to iron out. not sure who to flow ideas off of, who to vent to, or how to talk about something other than education. having no life outside of the school environment is of course an issue on that front. just something that is pressing on the brain. enough.

dumb versus lazy?

2005-11-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

you will have to realize that this is an ongoing debate for me. as i said earlier, the first report period ended recently, report cards went home on wednesday, and today the much anticipated wave of parental phone calls and emails has begun.

so today's parental contact is in relation to a young lady who got a big fat D on her report card (not even a failure). this kid is down right oblivious, though she recently discovered how to ask questions and try to get things clarified in class. but that isn't the point right now, the point now is that during the first quarter, this kid did NOTHING....she didn't even bother to give me a blank stare...she bombed tests, then there were four quizzes she managed to miss, and didn't bother to make them up, at all....she just screwed off, and did nothing with the grade reports that showed blanks in those spots, did nothing when i told her to make up the work, didn't show up on the days i said were the last chance for make up work.

so after all this slacking, her mom wants to schedule tutoring. i emailed her that i tutor most nights of the week and that if her daughter needs help, all she has to do is let me know when to expect her....anyone want to start taking bets on how often i see her kid???

and additionally to this, is it that the kid is dumb? or lazy? i am still voting for choice 2...LAZY!

much needed update

2005-11-16T04:59:00.000-05:00

a multiple part, sport-center high lights style recap-- mini-titles included

ROTATING PROBLEMS
so aparently one of the things that the school system i teach for does is rotate the schools its problem students attend. that is right, rather than help these kids they just push them from one school to another one. my convicted felon transfered out recently. and i think i got 2 from other schools.

RETURN OF THE THIEF
that is right, he came back yesterday, and what an effing crock. i was working very hard at not being the resident evil teacher (i wanted to). i was also working very hard at not being accusatory (felt like i could). other students have said that this boy denies stealing things from my class because i am his favorite teacher, i am not sure how i feel about that, or what i think. i am still insulted. i still want someone to apologize. i still hate teaching that class.

LATE NIGHT GAMES
so i learned recently how they handle basketball in the south, and i experienced it last night. so, where i come from, if the boys are away, the girls are home. not so down here, no no, that would be too smart/efficient/easy. no, down here, when one team travels, they both do, when one team is home they all are. that is right all of them boys, girls, varsity, jv. so that means a total of 4 games in one place. that means that the games start at 4pm and don't end until quite nearly 11pm, at which point the kids have to change, clean their lockerrooms, and get settled on the bus, and then drive home. since i will be traveling with the team, this means i wait for the kids, ride the bus with them back to school, get things settled back at the school and then drive home. i (being a dumb ass) forgot to pack food, so got home at midnight and had to decide: food then sleep, or just go to bed (as it waas then 3 hours past my bedtime and leaving me with only 4 hours of sleep to be had). i opted for the sleep.

and now, i have to opt for makeup and lunch packing. later y'all
(oh, and for those of you who are asking, i think the final was 2:2, our jv lost (both) and our varsity won)

report card season

2005-11-06T17:25:00.000-05:00

I have computed and turned in my grades for the quarter. i failed 4 kids because i had no grades for them because they don't come to school, 2 kids because their performance in my class is totally sub-par, and 1 kid due to lack of work done because he was suspended...now i am stuck to wonder whether i was obligated to let the suspended kid make up more work while he was out? and should i let a kid take tests from home if they aren't being home schooled? what about quizzes or labs?

parent teacher conf. will be starting in full force soon

expect mass whining from me.

thieves, stoners, and more

2005-11-03T05:30:00.000-05:00

so, a kid attempted to steal something out of my classroom the other day. what was taken? well, you will be amused to know it was a $250 scale, a fancy little electronic balance. the kid managed to slip in front of me and take it off of a cart that was holding a bunch of them.

another student brought it to my attention after class was over. well, when i went to the cart to check out what was missing, two scales were not where they belonged. so, i checked with my supervisor about procedure, and then headed up to see an assistant principal. the kid had left my class and was headed to lunch.

so armed with information on my suspects, the assistant principals started searching bags to see what they could find. a search of the first kid (the primary suspect for both me and the assistant principals-- they have history with the him) produced an immediate result, his bag contained one of the missing scales. now, I went to the assistant principals with two missing items, so that was what they were searching for. as such they called in their primary suspect number two, and on him, they did not find a balance, but rather, they found a large pipe and a substantial amount of weed.

irony moment, at the end of that school day, i cleaned my classroom and found missing balance number two hidden in a corner.

now, both of these kids had been doing rather well in my class, they are both basketball players. and i guess it now seems that they both have a history of drug involvement... i am still kind of hurt by the theft. but the odd emotion has to be that i almost feel guilty for the whole mess. like i was a snitch, or that i was the one who got the kids in trouble. either way, that is bullshit. there is no cause for this drama.

results-
thief-- got a six day suspension,
stoner-- got a ten day suspension (this is the one i feel bad about)

i am worried about what could go on with this class now...it is the one that gives me the greatest trouble.

Miss Uhm, are you coming to my game?

2005-10-30T15:05:00.000-05:00

more often than i am called by my given name, or called Miss H, i am called Miss Uhm...which is in no way related to my given name....and the latest question of choice...."Miss ...Uhm, are you coming to my game tonite?" now, realize, i am a sports junkie, love the games, will happily cheer on all the kids....but there are only so many friday nights you can spend watching high school football....especially since my day is over at 3pm and the games don't start until like 7pm. not a fun use of time, and i don't like to go home and come back...once i leave campus, i hate having to drive the whole way back.

i really don't have the heart to say no....but good lord, there is only so much time one can spend...and i really feel bad about missing some games, i try to go to at least a few of these events....but geez....

sigh
am i a bad person because i missed cross country (how does one watch cross country races?) or because i give a preference to varsity events over JV?

and how long until i stop being Miss Uhm?

does new teacher = sucker?

2005-10-26T18:28:00.000-04:00

i think i am being taken advantage of by my students. like because i am the new teacher, i am automatically their favorite sucker who is going to get the wool pulled over her eyes. now, i need to start to explain... the school has all sorts of rules that i think are a total crock....things about cell phones that i still don't understand, rules that there can be no food or drinks in the classrooms, rules about hats, rules about sun glasses, rules about cd playrs, rules about locker use...i don't get alot of it.

i have some simple ones...mostly relating to attendance and school work (which are what matter the most to me), and as much as i don't understand the other ones, i guess i have to enforce them...the thing is, i haven't been....so the kids have been snacking, or sneaking out text messages, or sipping on bottled water and other beverages.

well, this week, the pissy teacher has to show up. I have to start confiscating cell phones, i have to start making people toss food or stow it or go to the appropriate assistant principal for discipline (their favorite reason to suspend students here is a "failure to comply"). the thing is that if you are actually attending my class, i don't mind the drinks (if you are not in the lab) and i don't mind .... well, i guess i mind now.

i will be getting observed continuously for the next few weeks, so miss h gets to be evil.

i wonder how many will hate me, and how much LESS learning is about to start going on in my classroom...i'll try to keep you updated.

sleep deprivation

2005-10-25T21:36:00.000-04:00

so the challenge of late is trying to get enough sleep to post.

i hate trying to keep my life in order enough to get it done and not die.

lol.

school is busy, end of quarter exams, which are a crock, and prep for report cards (the kids are freaking out, which of course leaves me freaking out)

i don't know what else to say

more when i am awake more...(man i'm not even speaking english any more)

the new version of me?

2005-10-24T05:10:00.000-04:00

there had been a nice little post here.
when i went to publish, the words went away.
i am too tired to try again right now.

a lack of school spirit?

2005-10-21T22:27:00.000-04:00

what is a pep rally? i mean really, i just sat through one and the football game that came after that was so lacking i have no words to cover my thoughts on this.

where i student taught, they knew how to throw a pep rally, with actual pep and real rallying of the student body. what i watched was just a waste of about an hour of class time that we can't get back.

there is more i want to discuss on this topic, but at this point we are 90 minutes past my bed time, and i still have to go scrub the blue out of my hair.

the scramble, and the teaching of "rocks"

2005-10-19T16:55:00.000-04:00

ok, two topics in one...but they relate, so in my head, it makes sense.

first off, the scramble...in the city in NC where i teach there is a specific rate of instruction we (as teachers) have to follow so that the kids are prepared for the state end of course test (which, like the NY regents exam, is used to determine if the student has passed the class). now, standardized tests are a topic for another day (i'll have to pull out my soap box, and that is just a pain in the butt since i am exhausted right now) but what i really struggle with is being able to teach the material at a rate that is following their guidelines and i can still at least take the time to make sure the kids understand what we are reviewing. i feel like what i do is hurt the kids more than help them, rushing them through materials at a pace that is more than they can actually handle. it just isn't fair to my rocks....

yes, that is right, i have rocks...(rock is my term of endearment for the kids who just don't get- or care to get- a damn thing i teach) ... if we are going to be technical, i have a class of 13 of them. now it has yet to be determined if they are all rocks, or if some are just dragged down by the rest of them. i really don't know what to do, if i teach them at the pace that is prescribed by the people i work for they are screwed because they will learn nothing. if i teach them at the pace they need to be taught at, they are screwed because they will not have all the material that is on the end of course test.

yea, in the end it will all be my fault.

the wierdness of a "day off" midweek

2005-10-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

so this week was all wonked out (yes, wonked is a technical term) with having a shortened sunday thanks to the PSAT administration. because of that, none of my classes got a damn thing done. then thursday was a "teacher work day" which loosely translates to mean that the kids deserve a day off, but we have to show up to get paid. what this means is that when everyone comes back on friday, no one wants to do a damn thing (much like wednesday), so all my classes are behind, i don't know what day of the week it is, and i just want more sleep. gracious i love saturdays.

getting my ass kicked (figuratively)

2005-10-13T19:30:00.000-04:00

one is astounded at how much energy is expended in the teaching process. i do not know what i do that saps me of all my energy...i stand, and walk and talk, and then i sit and i grade and type...that is it....seriously. yet every day, i come home, and can barely stand long enough to cook dinner. how do real people cope with this? how do teachers go for years and still have the energy? and how do i remain positive for my students?

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE THAT HAPPY AND ENTHUSIASTIC FOR THAT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IS NOT NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was a teacher work day, aka, kids are off, teachers aren't...i was more tired after getting home today and i did what felt like a comparitve zero next to the other days of the week. i think i need to work on getting my act together... this is going to have to get better sooner or later

laziness versus stupidity?

2005-10-09T15:23:00.000-04:00

so i am grading exams i just gave to my classes on a topic that i am required to teach out of what i would consider to be an appropriate order. now, i gave them what i would consider as much help as possible...let them take the test over two days, gave them formulas that they need to help as they took the test, gave them hints, and i am giving partial credit for showing work on a multiple choice test...and yet somehow there is just a great dispairity in the test scores...it is painfully aparent those students who either got it, or worked to study after seeing the test. in one class my range of scores is 30 out of 100 to 99 out of 100. is it my fault? did i not teach them? or is it a matter of them not trying? do i need to do something more? or are they just totally unintelligent? am i asking too much of "average" teens?

i teach a felon?

2005-10-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

so i found out that one of my "baby thugs" is actuall a full on THUG. a product of a middle class household this young man is prone to gang related violence. and of course to err on the side of things that make life more interesting, he is classified as "exceptional" but smart and polite in my class.

i have yet to determine how i feel about having kids with extensive police records in my class. especially given that i am 4'11" female and generally outsized by every person in my class. there is a part of me that doesn't want to know about what they have done in their past so that i can teach them without bias, and another part that feels that i deserve to be told what sort of background these kids have so that i can maintain my personal safety...

one has to wonder about the other students in my classroom, and in all the other classes this young man takes, if it is appropriate for him to be with other students? is their safety in jeopardy? did he give up his right to be in a standard school when he started committing and being convicted of crimes?

such wonderful bits of deep thought. especially as there is a police conference on gang activity in my city, and i had a girl in my class break down because a boy in her life had to go into hiding because he has a gang hit after him....

anyone else freaked out that these are just kids?

a beginning.

2005-10-08T11:44:00.000-04:00

this is a new thing for me. or rather not entirely new, but a revisit to something that had worked for me in the past.

i teach high school chemistry in the new south...it is my first year teaching. the school where i work (which i will NOT mention) is public, and fairly large. i like it. i work with good kids, some of them a bit challenging (we will discuss them on the most vague of terms).

as for me, i am in a new city having moved from pennsylvania to take this job. i am living alone right now, and learning how to cope on my own, which is another big topic we will cover often.

i have a great family, who is up north for the most part. occasionally they will come up in discussion here, especially to describe how they led me to where i am.

and our last topic will be my other relationships, friends (both here and still in the north) and love (which challenges me on a regular basis, not a talent for me)

for the most part this will be private from those who know me the best, i like having objective, outside opinions, so feel free to say what you think.

thanks!
MissH