Saturday, July 01, 2006

my best friend's wedding...

my god i had no idea how emotionally trying this one was going to be. i generally think i am a fairly sane/normal girl. i have no idea today why i cannot stop crying...pms is the only vaguely valid excuse that i have...and i know that isn't enough to cut it for what i am up to. ..i feel like some sort of freak.

in a stretch of 371 days my three oldest friends will be was a first...i have yet to quit crying. i do not know what my problem is...i feel like a freak...i am super happy for her....i don't know if the tears are related to female issues, jealousy, or happiness for the newly weds. and don't think something much as i love her, it is all in a strictly sisterly i lonely for the man i am dating, lonely for the friends i don't get to see every week since i have moved south, or jealous for the kind of loving relationship that i crave. is there something wrong that i haven't even gotten close to this point yet. do i lack some sort of lovable quality. is there something that other women are aware of that i have yet to be clued in upon?

why is such stupid shit so fucking trying? pms and alcohol only excuses a small portion of this shit in my world. beyond that i am in uber flake mode and i have totally no clue as to why.

for those of you who don't know, the two who got married today are my favorite couple. she is like the little sister i never had, and i think he is perfect for the end, i just want to know why today makes we weep...



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