a real reason to whine.

http://adamfrey.us/

go look. no. really. I mean it. I have wondered what people think, feel, experience that leaves them as whiney pieces of shit. hell, I teach around 80-120 self centered, whiney, pieces of shit every year (and I love them). But it always leaves me feeling like my generation, and those who have come after, have no concept of having to struggle. My grandparents lived and grew up through a depression, a major war, struggling with little to no education. My parents had it a little less hard, they had the tail end of Vietnam, they had personal challenges, and my mom grew up in a house with 12 kids, 3 bedrooms, and 1 bathroom (oh, and no car either). I have not had to fight for what I have. It was given to me. I don't struggle to put food on the table. I am healthy. I have a good job. And I am still a whiney piece of shit.

And then I read that kid's blog (yes, he is a kid). Damn, some people know how to fight.

The power of secrecy

Ok,
so while i blog, sporadically, I know that what I post here does not come tied to my name, to my home, to my classroom, or to my family. I bitch, I whine, I write out the problems I am working through. This is the magically power of anonymity. I don't think I would be half as candid if I were writing under my own name.

This post has a point, I swear. I recently discovered the blog of a student at my school...I don't teach him directly, but he is around and dates one of my kids. It is a riot. He is one of the most expressive and entertaining kids I have read the rantings of. The shame of it is that he is not writing in secret, and so he has been pushed (persuaded? forced? coerced?) into censoring himself due to the discomfort of others.

Seriously though? If you don't like it, surf away. no one is forcing you to read the ramblings of an 18yr old high school senior, or of this 27year old high school teacher for that matter. I hope that this kid finds a pseudonym to work through. Because he is worth reading, and provides a real look into a true "average" kid.

fighting the urge to run

ok, I admit it...my name is Heather, and I am a commitment-phobic. I run from relationships after about a year with some excuse or another.

So, being single (as I currently am) the desire to run should be lower...but I have reached the second wave of weddings in my social group. And I have begun to spaz. four years ago, three of my friends "jumped ship" and added the left hand jewelry. this year, well...lets see...8 weddings (I have 5 left that I could go to) and 6 babies.

In the first wave of weddings, I twitched so much that I moved 350miles south. and I am fighting the urge right now to do the same thing again.

I hate watching people move on. I don't know if I am jealous, if I feel as though I am being left behind. I can't figure myself out. and I am sure this isn't the place that I should vent this out, but I don't know where else to do it.

we aren't even going to go into what I am living with right now. my roommate's boyfriend is being "put out" of his home (he pseudo mooches off of his older brother) and is now over at my place way more often than I know how to react to. the desire to blow my lid...well....

enough. I know it has been a while. but there is more than I know how to start saying.

worst day ever.

in list form because i am just to overwhelmed for more

1. students come back to school tomorrow
2. i had to life guard today
3. i had to go to the store to get stuff for my classroom
4. my car wouldn't start.
5. it took me like 6 tries to get in touch with my roommate to try to figure out her helping me with rides, etc (esp since we worked together on the same shift today)
6. it was 95 dollars to have my car towed to the only place i trusted that was open on a sunday
7. the tow truck was 35min late
8. we were late to the pool
9. something was wrong with the pool pump/filter system that made the water ugly
10. people complained to me about the ugly water i had no control over
11. i had to keep calling the car place for details on my poor car
12. it was almost 380 dollars to get all that needed take care of done
13. when i went in to get the car (after they called to say it was done) it was not finished
14. i had to wait an extra hour for the car
15. they screwed up the bill for my repair work
16. the stores i went into after getting my car back were effing nuts
17. got on the high way to come home and it turns out that they did NOT fix my alignment
18. my roommate ended up with my house keys when she dropped me of to get my car
19. she wasn't home when i got back from the store
20. her boyfriend has the only spare key to our house
21. she was with her boyfriend...at walmart
22. neither of them have cell phones
23. i had to wait over an hour for them to get back so i could get into my house
24. he decided to make them dinner starting at 9pm (my bedtime on school nights)
25. my bedroom is over the kitchen and the sound travels
26. the house stinks like what they are having for dinner and it is making me want to vomit

so like i said, worst day ever.

new home and third wheeling.

and after another inappropriate delay, I return to work out more mental issues.

first, a bit of news, I am slowly settling into a new home. It is a good change, a pretty place and a lot more homey than the old apartment. I am so sick of unpacking...I hated moving...I just wanted to to happen via magic. I know, it is all a fantasy, but I wanted it none the less.

now, in the new digs I have taken a roommate. she and I fit together very well. both very laid back and chill personalities. we read alot, and watch girlie tv shows. it bodes very well. and she is dating a good friend of mine, which makes me glad to see them both happy. he is around most of the time, and I am not quite sure how I feel about that just yet. but I do at least have my own room to go and hide in (so to speak).

The point of interest or potential argument is the tv in the living room. it is my tv. and I was insistent that my tv go in the living room...after a bout of insomnia, I removed that sort of stuff from my bedroom...to try to create a sanctuary. so now when I watch tv and he is here, I feel like I am intruding on their time together, or that he is being put out by my desire to voice an opinion on what is being watched (sorry, I am not a fan of watching someone else's man flip through the channels and turn the tv volume to overkill levels).

I really hate the whole 3rd wheel feeling. It is one of the reasons I moved here. So I just hope that it doesn't overwhelm the whole thing. and I don't want it to mean that I have to go get a man....no way. it isn't my way. it would be nice, but I would like to find love for better reasons.

ranting over.

unreal. unbelievable.

I know I owe this a bigger post than what I am about to put here. but I am currently working, packing, and trying to find another part time job so it isn't going to happen. I am still adjusting to the news that a dear old friend of both my brother and I was tragically taken yesterday (sunday). he is a baby. and i just hope that someone can benefit from this loss (his parents have donated his organs). I know there is more. but I don't have it in me. prayers for the sweet one.

procrastination

also known as things to do instead of filing my taxes...

1. laundry
2. write lessons
3. scrub bathroom
4. wash massive pile of dishes
5. scrub kitchen
6. sort mail
7. take a nap
8. enjoy sunshine
9. watch an old movie
10. write email
11. call a friend
12. go to the grocery store
13. take out the trash
14. take a walk
15. go work out
16. reorganize closet
17. reorganize purse
18. bake a cake
19. have a beer
20. run the vacuum
21. surf the net
22. play a game
23. update the ipod

i don't want to do my taxes
and it is amazing the sheer number of shit i can come up with to avoid doing it.
there are more things to be sure...if you have suggestions, please leave them. I am always up for new and improved ways to procastinate